i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
