Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
