i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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