so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
