i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
