...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
