these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
