Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
