the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
