Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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