FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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