Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
