That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
