Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
