at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
