This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
