I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
