is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
