check it out our google latitudes are spooning
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
