I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize