is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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