I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
i believe in u and ur pee
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
