So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
