Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
sick fucks of a feather flock together
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
