my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
