Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize