remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
