sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
