The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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