Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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