'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
