So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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