I can't watch pbs sober anymore
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
