**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
