who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
