This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
