I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
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