just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
