Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
