hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
