I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
