I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
