Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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