I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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