I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
