Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
