is your mom at the bar?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
