My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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