South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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