My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize