I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
