I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
