TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
