Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
