Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
