I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
