You made me cry and you don't even care
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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