so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
