So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
