He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
