WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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