Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
