Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I am spending my child support on dildos
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
