I'm really into asian looking animals
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
