Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
