Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
