Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Randomize