Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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