pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
