Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
