I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
meet me or not, i'm out of control
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
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