Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
