i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
