my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
