I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize